LIFE AFTER DIVORCE - How To Recover
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How To ReDesign Your Life At Any Age After Divorce
There are many major events in life that may lead one to think seriously about changing their life - either some part of it or a major redo. Divorce (whether you are a man or woman) probably heads the list of events that trigger a longing for making many life changes and reflection on our life choices made in the past. It has been said that at any given time, our current situation is due to the choices we have previously made based on the information we had available at the time.
Since divorce is a heavily emotion ladened factor, it is important to make sure your head is on straight and you are thinking clearly before making any major life altering decisions. Go slowly and think through your actions ahead of time and even discuss with friends or a professional to make sure you are making those changes for the right reasons.
This can be an excellent time to follow that old proverb "To Thy Own Self Be True." In other words, know yourself, what is important to you at this stage of your life, consider your values and ethics and your total belief system, etc. to consider if they all are still relevant for you.
It can come as a surprise to even the strongest person to realize that they have slowly given up a part of themselves over the years - very much like that song with words that say I shouldn't have to give up me to be loved by you. It can be so subtle and a change that happened so gradually you didn't notice.
If Only You Had Asked This!
LOOK FOR THE HUMOR IN THINGS. IT CAN EVEN BE DARK HUMOR IF IT MAKES YOU LAUGH SUCH AS:
Question: How do you quickly lose 190 lbs of ugly fat?
Answer: Divorce Him.
or
Question: How would you rewrite the part of the marriage vows that says. . . For Better or For Worse?
Answer: For Better Only, When Worse Comes Along, Forget It.
What To Be Aware Of
Recognize that you will also be dealing with a form of grief for the loss of the relationship and love you started with mixed with the disillusionment that almost always follows as you grieve for what might have been.
1. Make a conscious decision to do things that you enjoy; look back and see if there are some activities or hobbies you gave up and explore them again.
2. Love yourself. It is important to look at all of your good qualities that others value. Don't be in a hurry to get into another relationship just to feel good about yourself. In my opinion, that is the number one mistake that men and women make when a marriage is dissolving.
3. Make sure your surroundings reflect who you are. Photos, awards, and anything else that makes you feel good is important.
4. Feed your mind with good books and inspirational thoughts.
5. Develop both short and long term goals; it is important to feel like you have a purpose in life.
6. Avoid negative, bitter thoughts and anyone who is negative.
BEYOND DIVORCE
IN SUMMARY
When life hands you a lemon, you learn to make lemonade. Almost always when something bad happens, there is something good that can come from it if you can only switch your perspective.
Look forward and get excited about life - only look back if there is something to be learned.
Note: Your comments and feedback in response to this hub will be greatly appreciated.
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Great advice and comments on a subject that is both hard to go through yourself or watch one of your children go through. We are two year survivors of our daughter's divorce. Only seeing her happy and productive after nine years of heartbreak and frustration has made the ordeal worth going through. Thanks.
@Wayne Brown - Thanks for you insightful comments and advice for others who have experienced the pain and disillusionment that accompanies the end of a marriage. I think people with children must have a worst time since they are forever connected to their ex-spouse along with additional problems of themselves or their ex trying to influence the feelings of the children. It sounds like you did a good job of maintaining a sense of humor and emotional balance. GClark
After going through a divorce myself many years ago, I looked upon the event in other people's lives with a deep sadness for I knew the pain and hurt they were enduring. There are no winners and so often the children are the biggest losers in the equation. The event took ten years out of my life and I humorously say that the timeframe is still reflected in my home mortgage balance. It shows up just about everywhere if you look for it. One must get those emotions associated with divorce out in the open air...outside your mind and soul so they can be released. Then and only then can the healing really begin. It worked for me. WB
GClark Hub Author 4 weeks ago
Kathleen Cochran - I am happy that you found my hub helpful and also glad that your daughter has now made it through to being able to feel happy and productive again. Am sure your support helped make that possible. Thanks again for taking the time to comment. GClark